I actually did this with my wife, some of this I won’t go into (hope you understand) but here is the quick version.
We had some money problems a few years back – I earned it she spent it – all of it. She is of the mindset that if I have checks (or the bank card keeps working), I still have money. Over the last couple of weeks, her spend-o-rama habits have been returning – not staying on a budget, buying dinner for friends when they go out, new black shoes (there are already black shoes in the closet 4 PAIR – I don’t understand – male DNA and all that).
We went through the exercise in the book, and while time will tell and I am optimistic, the discussion did put things out on the table that at least made me feel better, and we now have a better understanding of each other’s reasons for how we feel (except I still don’t understand the shoe thing).
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That title really holds true with that story. That is a sensitive area that I would not want to have to approach.
But I am glad to hear that this book was able to bring about that conversation. Issues such as those, small at first but ones that grow unchecked, often get blown out of proportion. It is interesting to note in my own relationship that the majority of the fights or arguments that do occur are over the most trivial of things.
My wife worked at a high-priced women handbag store where one of the perks was a free item every month. Thank you to her boss!!!!!! Before I knew it, a few years had gone by and she had dozens and dozens of purses and such. We just came from a wedding a few days ago where she used one for the first time even though she has had it for over four years. That male DNA, a mystery to women and that which keeps the women a mystery to us, is something that we just will never understand.
Find that common ground and keep each other in check. We have rules such as we can't buy a new piece of clothing without throwing one away. until we buy a larger home, this is a difficult but efficient strategy. In the end, we do well and learn to compromise. We try to talk it out and be objective.
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